Welcome to Deborah Bauer Wilcox's Blog
This Original Fine Oil Painting was barely dry before it was sold. Alabaster and Roses is a painting of the Gonzales family grave marker dateing back to the early 1900's and is located at the Old San Ysidro Cemetary next to the San Ysidro/Minge museum and across the road from the Old Adobe San Ysidro Church. Field stone, tin roofs and adobe walls with wild spring roses complete the contrast and compliment of textures.
Keeper Of The Keys vs The Id
In my last newsletter I talked about finding the Power side of Self. Learning to listen to that internal voice that is the strong, courageous self. The side of our selves that Gets Things Done. Well also along the way of discovery there is the voice of our ego. We possess the Ego and the ID. The left, analytical, mathematical, critical side of our brain a.k.a. or The Ego. The Id or the right, creative, playful and intuitive side. Each side has a voice and speaks to us and helps us make choices and decisions. Well, I don't know about you but I have had to really struggle to balance the two sides. I am almost all right brained with the whole creative, intuitive thing going on but I really have had to struggle with my mathematical skills and spelling (as you know if you read my newsletter) and the two women who visited my Studio recently, one of which purchased this most recent painting (Thank You again), and another woman who purchased two earlier works (Thank You also) learned that simply adding sales tax is so TAXING to me! One it took me five days on a vacation trip to figure out one easy Koduko puzzle! The point here is that for me to expose myself in this newsletter which entails spelling and to complete strangers in my studio...which involves socializing. I had to deal with the left side of my brain that does work way too well and that is the CRITIC! We all have the critic and mine has a very loud voice. "What are you doing?" "Why are you doing that?" "You'll embarrass yourself!" "Better let someone else do that" Well Yes that is true I have embarrassed myself, and still do.... but along the way I have learned to trust. I have learned to trust myself and mankind. When one of my students, who reads my newsletter asked me how long I have been a writer I almost embarrassed myself further and kissed her! Smack! I have never been accused of being a writer! It was such a simple question... but such a great gift!
I have a secret that I want to share and I learned this from Deepak Chopra one evening when he was on television years ago. He said (and I am paraphrasing) if you deal with challenges, shyness, insecurity etc., and a noisy, critical, ego a.k.a. the left side of your brain... he said you need to trick it into not paying attention! He said to pretend. To say to the noisy, critical voice that you are just pretending and it can go about thinking about much more important things than make-believe! So years ago I decided to give this a shot. I was asked to teach a painting class and honestly I didn't have the social skills or confidence as I had never taught or socialized! So I pretended I was an art teacher and had always taught art...and went on to teach my first class and have been teaching ever since. Then again when I was asked to do a portrait commission my noisy, left side brain reared it's fear, riddled voice and I almost, almost...I came so close to declining. That critical voice side of myself, if I was to describe her, belonged to an old, gnarled woman that was so stiff with fear she could hardly move and was weighed down with a chain around her waist with all of the keys... to all of the locks... on life that just mustn’t be opened! "EVER!" For me writing, speaking of intuitive things and social, public interaction had very large locks on them and I really had to wrestle to get the keys to open those locks away from that fearful Ego side. The first gallery receptions I was asked to attend as an artist I have little memory of except being struck mute with fear. I really wish I could have a re-wind of those earlier years.
Pretending... silenced the voice, the critic and soon what I was pretending to do just... became What I do! I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't have proven it to myself!
Life is not easy and life today especially for some, has become much harder and fear carries a very loud voice! So if you are dealing with challenges or fear and want to make changes or just work past them, but part of you is holding you back and won't give you the keys..Pretend! I tell my students…Pretend you have always Painted!
Why not try …. Pretend you are who you need or want to become! See if what you are Pretending To Be... doesn't just become Who You Are!